


Operation: Relax Steve by Any Means Necessary

by Cimorene105



Series: Thank God for PR [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sign Language, Steve Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 01:32:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12665520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimorene105/pseuds/Cimorene105
Summary: Bucky had made it his mission in life to help Steve unwind. If he had to fight dirty to achieve success, so be it.





	Operation: Relax Steve by Any Means Necessary

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Mention of memory dissociation and also of traumatic memories that are remembered too well.

Steve was wound tighter than a drum. Bucky knew if Steve kept letting people beat on him the way things currently were, that he would break.

Steve was doing as well as could be expected with therapy. The man went in defensive and came out struggling. Bucky knew exactly how he was feeling.

It was counter-intuitive to them both to tell someone stuff that seemed obvious, like, "Everyone I knew is suddenly dead," "I don't like killing but I do it anyway," "I've been seriously injured more times than I could possibly try to count," and "It feels like my life is one war after another."

At this point in the process, Bucky knew Steve was carrying more stress just being told that those obvious things were stressing him out.

It was therefore Bucky's self-appointed duty to get Steve to relax more often and let go of the little things.

And he knew just how to do it.

***

It was obvious no one had bothered to try getting the gym wall fixed. In fact, there was a frame around the dent with an official-looking placard next to it reading, " _Dinosaurs Making Love_. Media: Lube, sweat, and old-people jizz. Artists: Steven G. Rogers and James B. Barnes."

"Really, Tony?"

"You make art in my gym, I put it on display. It's just logic, Capsicle."

Steve rolled his eyes.

"Also, I can't get the wall fixed. I'd have to replace the whole thing, since it's reinforced and not easy for us mere mortals to bend." He turned to face Steve. "Maybe you could be a pal and use Barnes to hammer it out from the other side."

Steve had an image to maintain as the leader of the mostly ex-Avengers. Currently, he was doing swell. He finished his set of obscenely heavy bench presses. He sat up and wiped his non-existent sweat away with a towel. He put on his stern parent expression. He opened his mouth.

Bucky came out of nowhere and planted a quick and filthy kiss on that open mouth, then breezed past to use a machine farther into the gym.

What was he doing again? Steve's train of thought had scattered. Bucky seemed to have made it his job in life to rid Steve of whatever thought was currently in his head. That included the stick-in-the-ass macho image he was trying to maintain.

Steve laid back down to continue, letting his thoughts go. He settled on a throwaway, "You can fuck off, Tony."

He didn't notice Tony's lightning-struck expression, but Bucky did.

***

"Steve, come cuddle with me," Bucky casually called out from in front of the TV in the Stark Tower living area.

Steve had every intention of flinging himself on top of the brunet, but paused when he saw Sam was sitting in the room, too.

"Don't mind me." Sam didn't bother to take his gaze away from the screen, which was set on the Sy-Fy channel.

Steve did mind. It was one thing to pretend like he was still a skinny little kid from Brooklyn when it was just Bucky. It was quite another to act childish in front of a teammate. He sat gingerly next to Bucky.

Bucky gave him an unimpressed look. Steve found himself with a lap full of ex-assassin in short order.

"It's okay, Steve. Sam isn't judging. He's happy that we have each other," Bucky whispered. "Let yourself have this. Let go."

Steve forced his body to relax. He tried to do that thing from therapy where he focused less on his thoughts and more on physical feelings. It was tough. His self-consciousness didn't want to be ignored. It insisted that Sam would think him an incapable leader if he showed vulnerability.

The physical feelings made a compelling point, though. Bucky was warm on top of him and his prickly stubble felt nice against Steve's neck. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and let his head drop to the shoulder in front of him. Steve took a breath. He let his shoulders drop when he let it out.

After a moment, Sam smiled and gave Bucky a thumbs up.

Steve had almost fallen asleep when he heard someone walk in.

Bucky felt him tense. _Say one word to make him more uncomfortable and I will end you_ , Bucky told the newcomer in sign language. He made sure to keep his expression neutral.

 _Wouldn't dream of it_ , Clint returned.

Steve gave them a questioning look.

"Spy stuff."

"I saw you two talking about me. You're both in trouble," Natasha covered. She plopped down next to Steve and Bucky, taking a bite out of an apple.

"I love watching this show without hearing aids," Clint said, changing the subject. "It's way more fun to read their lips half the time and make up what's going on the other half of the time."

"That sounds hilarious," Sam interjected. "Show me." He muted the show and Clint began narrating for everyone.

Half an hour later, everyone was in tears from laughing so hard, Steve had melted into the cushions, and Bucky was satisfied with his teammates and with himself for a job well done.

***

Steve stepped into the shower, wishing the pounding water could ease some of his tension. Too many people had been in the gym today. Steve wasn't sure why it even mattered. He'd been fine other times when all the mostly ex-Avengers had worked out together.

"Is it too much to ask for some time to myself?" he raged.

"That's exactly what you need, Steve. A little vacation."

"Where the fuck did you come from, Bucky?!"

"Hello - assassin." He picked up the shampoo and used it as an excuse to give Steve a scalp massage.

"I thought I locked the door."

Bucky smirked. "You must not have locked it as well as you thought."

Steve gave a put-upon sigh.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"...No."

Bucky kissed Steve's shoulder. "Let me take care of you, pal. Sometimes I feel like that's the only worthwhile thing I'm good at."

Steve figured he could argue and make a big deal of it, but he decided to just take the coddling without trying to make Bucky acknowledge other things he could do. It wasn't that long ago Steve was mourning the loss of Bucky's incessant need to take care of him. It still caught him off guard whenever he realized he had it back.

"Okay."

Bucky continued to rub Steve down with soap. "So, you need a vacation. We could do some kinda honeymoon thing."

"That's a pretty weird proposal, Buck."

"Shut up. I'll make you cry when I really propose."

"Bucky..." Steve turned around. His eyes were wide. "Are you saying you want to marry me?"

Bucky pulled a face. "That wasn't obvious?"

Steve pulled him close and crushed the wind out of him.

"Hey, you're not allowed to cry yet, punk. That wasn't my actual proposal."

"I know," Steve managed to gasp.

"So you gotta save it for then and not do it now, okay? I'm trying to get you relaxed, not work you up even more."

Steve nodded, but couldn't find any words.

Bucky held Steve until he was ready to let go. Then he made Steve turn around again so Bucky could finish giving him a massage.

Steve sighed. "I love you, Buck."

"Love you too, Stevie."

***

Therapy was always hard to get through, but today was a doozy for Steve. He'd relived both Bucky's death and his rediscovery as the Winter Soldier. He figured - and Bucky agreed - that opening up about his experiences was harder for him because he didn't have the dissociation that Bucky had.

Steve had the opposite of dissociation. His super-fast-healing brain retained memories that he could access at will with crystal clear clarity.

If he did, it was like living them over again.

When he returned to Stark Tower, Steve was not in a good frame of mind. The psychologist had helped Steve through his inevitable panic attack and to verbalize his thoughts, then made him do the standard breathing exercise while affirming the good things he currently had in his life.

It wasn't enough. Steve needed Bucky. He fumbled his phone from his pocket.

To Buck: _Where r u_

To Buck: _Need u_

To Buck: _Right now_

From Buck: _I'm here._

Bucky was waiting for him when Steve opened the door to the apartment. Steve fell into him and didn't stop shaking for over half an hour. At some point, they made their way to Steve's bed. Eventually, he spoke.

"I see you falling every time I so much as remember it happened. I should have jumped after you. I would have survived. I could have brought you back."

Bucky didn't say anything. He just kept holding Steve and rubbing a hand occasionally over his back.

"I can't get drunk. I tried, after you fell. Drank a whole bar all to myself. Threw the biggest fit when I realized none of it made a damn difference. You should have seen the state of the bar. You know when that happened, Buck?"

Steve pulled back to look at Bucky. The brunet was crying silently.

"That happened four years ago for me. And then I saw you again two years ago. I hadn't had time to grieve, and you were only the most notable person I lost. I lost all the same people as you did from back then, and it doesn't seem real that they're gone. It doesn't seem real that seventy years have gone by. They haven't for me. I'm still only 29, Buck."

Bucky's eyes fluttered closed in pain. He brought Steve's head close and kissed him between the eyes.

"Do you want to forget for a little while?" Bucky offered softly.

Steve nodded.

"Let me take care of you."

"Yeah."

Bucky moved over on top of him. He drew a hand slowly down Steve's face. "We're really gonna make love this time, Stevie, so you can only focus on how close I am."

Steve sighed. "I'd like that."

Bucky took his time undressing them both. With every piece of clothing he removed from either of them, he comforted Steve.

"I'll always be here."

"I'm glad we live in a world that lets us love each other, now."

"You will wake up to see my face every time we've gone to sleep together."

"There's no one in this whole wide world I'd rather have than you."

Steve let himself float on the tide of love surrounding him. He felt tears escape. They were good. He needed them. Steve was jolted from his reverie by the feeling of Bucky's naked body sliding along his. He reached up for a kiss.

Bucky cradled his head and obliged. He'd intended to spend long, uncounted minutes cherishing Steve by worshiping his body. This plan soon took a detour. Bucky kissed down Steve's neck and sucked on a nipple, which caused Steve to give a surprised yell and arch up towards Bucky. Steve, apparently, had hypersensitive erogenous zones because of the serum, but had never bothered to play with them.

"Why the fuck not? I can already tell it's great for you." Bucky was perplexed.

"It's not the same when I'm by myself," Steve whined.

Bucky grinned. "Oh, Steve," he crooned, deceptively sweet. "Are you saying I get to touch more of you than even you do?"

"Why does that shock you, Bucky? Everything is always better with you. Get on with it."

"My, my, you're impatient. How impatient would you get if I just played with your nipples for an hour?"

"Don't you dare tease me, Barnes."

"Or what, Rogers?" Steve didn't answer. "See, I've got this crazy notion you'd let me do anything I want to you. Anything at all."

Steve remained silent.

"We've already been over the negative side of this predilection, but until now, I wasn't aware there was much of a good side to it." Bucky's grin widened dangerously. "I'm so glad you've told me there is, Steve. It was very generous of you to share that about yourself."

Steve groaned. Bucky laughed.

Bucky had a tendency towards thorough efficiency, and both knew he was about to use that mindset to find every sensitive area on Steve's body to exploit them. He initiated his strategy by continuing to suck on Steve's nipple and letting his hands wander to other places that might be fun to tease.

Steve tried several times to stop the whimpers and whines that continually escaped him. Every time he thought he could make himself shut up, Bucky would add teeth into the mix. Steve got the message and eventually stopped trying to be quiet.

"That's not-" Steve gasped at the sharp pinch to his inner thigh, "-fighting fair."

Bucky released Steve's shining, puffy nipple. "I want you to go insane from the things I do to you. You think I'll accomplish that by fighting fair?"

It was clear Bucky wasn't waiting for an answer, since he switched over to sucking Steve's other nipple right away. His hands continued their exploring as well.

Steve's sides and thighs turned out to be sensitive, but those were the only places Bucky had anticipated it. Letting his hands drift up Steve's sides, Bucky accidentally got a bit close to Steve's armpits.

"Sorry," he said, remembering for some reason that Steve hated to be tickled.

Steve laughed, breathless. "No," he said. "I can't believe you remember that. I almost forgot about it."

Bucky pulled back to look at him.

"I told you never to tickle me because it would turn me on. No idea why - but I didn't need to be more turned on around you than I already was. Anywhere most people are ticklish, just treat it like an erogenous zone on me."

"So, you like it when I do this-?" Bucky asked, letting his fingertips trail lightly over Steve's ribs, across his armpits, and up his arms to rest heavily on his wrists.

"Yeah," Steve breathed.

Bucky nosed behind Steve's ear and remembered their dicks could be touching while he did this. He ground his hips down onto Steve's. They savored the feeling together for several seconds before Bucky released Steve's wrists.

"You can touch me, too, Steve. I need it as much as you do. It's good to accept intimacy from you. I need to do that. I want to. For both of us."

Steve had been itching to get his hands on his best friend. With the clear permission, he gave back as good as he got.

Steve turned them onto their sides for better leverage and propped himself up on one arm. With the other hand, he quested over Bucky's torso to find a nipple. He leaned their foreheads together and let their lips touch.

"You're amazing," Steve told him.

"Sure I am; it got me you, didn't it?"

"Sap."

"Takes one to know one, pal."

"That's it - I'm shutting you up." Steve diverted the rest of his energy towards kissing and stroking his best friend anywhere he could reach. Steve was nothing if not a strategist, and soon enough, he came up with a brilliant plan, if he did say so himself.

"Turn around; face away from me."

Bucky gave him a weird look, but did as requested anyway.

Steve eliminated the little space between them and slid his arms around Bucky's torso. He fitted one of his legs between Bucky's. Kissing a line up Bucky's neck, Steve explained, "You've always had this need to take care of me. What I need right now is to make you feel loved. Can I finger you, Buck? You can say no."

Bucky shivered. "I want that."

Steve rolled away to get the lube from his bedside table. He kept a little space between them when he rolled back, but he used his unoccupied hand to slowly stroke Bucky's cock.

"Oh, fuck, Steve."

"I know, right? We should have been jerking each other off years ago." He kissed Bucky behind the ear.

At the same slow pace as the one hand, Steve inserted a finger in Bucky's ass.

_"Steve."_

Steve chuckled. He twisted and twirled his finger until he thought Bucky was ready for another one. Bucky mewled at the sensation. Steve thought maybe he had been fingering himself more, because it didn't take quite as long as the first time, when Steve had walked him through it. Steve made sure to brush over Bucky's prostate occasionally as he stretched him, and his hand didn't stop moving over Bucky's dick.

"Do you want to try another finger?" Steve quietly suggested after a few minutes.

"God, yes. Please."

Steve kissed him again and gave it to him. Bucky panted at the intense feeling. Steve searched out his prostate and pressed there relentlessly. Bucky cried out and began shouting in another language. Steve thought it sounded like Romanian.

Steve sped up his other hand and used his fingers in Bucky's ass to pulse a hard rhythm on his prostate.

"Fuck me, Steve. Please, fuck me!"

"Yeah, you want that right now? Ya sure, Buck?"

"Yes! Get in me, Steve. Now!"

Steve hastily coated his dick in more lube and inch by inch, slid inside. They moaned long and low in one voice when Steve was completely seated.

Steve kissed along the underside of Bucky's jaw. He slowed down his hand on the other man's cock.

After a minute, Bucky told him in a small voice, "This is amazing, Stevie."

"Yeah, it is," Steve replied in the same manner.

"I can't believe I waited so long to ask for this," Bucky marveled. He settled a hand on Steve's hip.

Steve gave a strangled, "It's fine," when Bucky tested a bit of movement.

Bucky turned his head to lock eyes with the blond. "Make love to me now, Steve."

Steve shuddered. He nodded and smoothly withdrew to just the head. He gently thrust back in the same way. Bucky met him stroke for stroke with the limited movement he had. Steve continued the slow jacking he'd maintained throughout. He whispered in Bucky's ear, "Come on, Buck. Come for me. Come with me inside you and my hand stroking you off. Think of all the times we both imagined this and wished for it. We're finally here. It's so good. You can have this. I can have this. We get to do this together."

"Fuck, Steve," Bucky whispered, "god - oh fuck, Steve-!" His body tensed and he clamped down on the dick in his ass as he came.

Steve only needed a few more thrusts in that tight heat, with Bucky moaning his name, to come, too.

The two lay together, catching their breath and feeling the connection they'd always had strengthen impossibly more from the slow, meaningful experience.

They drifted to sleep with "I love you"s on the air between them.

**Author's Note:**

> [My YouTube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnTcO921RLNZVxTYOWVq5Lg)  
>  Lookie what I did!


End file.
